hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
