Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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