I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
