He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Four minutes until I can fart!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
