No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
