Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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