Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
