We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
