I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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