High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
