tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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