Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
