He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
