I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
