Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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