You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
