Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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