The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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