hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
FUCK WHALES
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
