Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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