so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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