just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
