No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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