How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
