Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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