just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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