He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
