I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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