nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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