Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
