can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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