mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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