She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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