i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
