i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
