You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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