I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
