I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
