Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
