Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
