The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
