If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
