I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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