Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
