i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
