I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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