I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
