She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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