Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
