He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride