I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?