dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
