i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And the cops told us we were all naked.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO