PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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