it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
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I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize