So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Randomize
