I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
