YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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