Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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