Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
