You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
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