I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
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this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I will pee on everything he values.
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