Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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