I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
