you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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