So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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