I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
