I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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