never play flip cup with pint glasses
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
