its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
