The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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