Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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