so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
