she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
