I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
