have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
