He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
