Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
