you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
