i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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