someone get that fucking seahorse.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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