I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
