Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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