I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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