bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
