she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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