I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
