It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
