I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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